Needs and Wants

I remember when I was still in my teens, I used to watch many Reality TV Shows. Of course, these shows were much simpler back then. But the concept was very much the same; it was all about getting money by doing something. One of the most memorable ones that I remember is a show called “Supermarket Sweep” where the participants pick up points by answering questions related to supermarket items. The final round to determine the winner was where they dash through the supermarket and put as many items of value as they can into the trolley in a given time. The person with the most points wins the game and the prize money. There were many other shows of course – Wheel of Fortune, Tic Tac Dough etc – shows where people want to win money or prizes. It is certainly no different from what we have today, only the stake is much higher. What people want has increased significantly.

For me, I believe it is just a matter of needs and wants. Everyone has their own needs and wants, nothing wrong with that. Personally I think it’s quite healthy to have needs and wants, otherwise our lives will be quite meaningless. The question is – how do we differentiate between need and want? Where is the line between these two categories? When does a need become a want or vice versa? In the material world we live in today, these two words often interchange and the distinction is very often blurred by the mass media.

I remember about a year ago, my sister asked my nephew what he wanted for Christmas. Frankly I was quite taken aback when I heard the answer; he wanted a game boy (an electronic game gadget) which costs something like RM300 – RM400. And when my niece saw it, she wanted it too! And now both of them has one each and plays it very often. Imagine, children who are just 6 to 7 years old wanting things which we may never want for ourselves. What the modern generation wants is so much different from what we ourselves would have wanted when we were their age. To be honest, I don’t think I had ever wanted or demanded anything when I was that age.

We live in a world of “I want…” The list of “I want…” never ends. We continue to want things, designer clothes, branded electronic stuff, the latest cell phone model, the fastest computer or laptop, nice big cars… the list is endless. And more often than not, the list will never end until the day we die. About 10 years back, there was a song from the movie soundtrack of “Army Daze” (Singapore movie about NS) entitled “Sophisticated Baby”. The lyrics go something like this “Sophisticated baby…(that’s me, that’s me) (I want, I want leh…) (an cua boi sai ah? – literally translated meaning why cannot ah?)” It basically talks about having branded stuff to look sophisticated and cool. And I think that that kind of culture or way of thinking is fast becoming or has already become something which is very real in our country, especially among the younger generations and the yuppies.

I can list down so many more examples of this “I want..” behaviour. The point is that almost everyone of us is guilty of this, one way or another (including me) We often confuse ourselves between what is needed and what is wanted. And sometimes, we don’t even want to know or think about the distinction. Because when we start to think about the difference, we may begin to change our outlook in live. And very often, that entails a change in our lifestyle. Then again, we may not want to change; we choose to ignore our thoughts because it complicates our life.

Do we ever wonder why we have so many needs and wants in our life? I think we can safely assume that the need is important and without it, life would be difficult. These needs would include food, shelter, money and any other things which we deem necessary in order to live a normal life. This is what we call basic needs. Of course, the concept of basic needs has long expanded, what was necessary for minimal living ten years ago would be quite insufficient today. Our needs are dictated by our survival but our wants are dictated by our ego.

In the gospel of Matthew, Jesus tells us not to worry about the things in our life. (cf Mt 6:25-34) Again, I’m not saying that we should not have any wants. Wants are perfectly normal but how much we want is the determining factor. There are many people in this world who would forsake their faith or neglect God in the pursuit of what they want.

“Seek ye first…” again this phrase comes in. We do not realise that by neglecting our faith and seeking worldly gains, we are only cheating ourselves. When we learn to seek the will of God and His righteousness, He will grant us many blessings that are always much more than what we can dare to think of! Having material goods and wealth will not make us happy or contented. Even if it does, it will eventually dry up. By seeking God’s kingdom first, “…all other things will be added unto you”, it may not be wealth, fame or honour but peace, happiness, love, joy and little simple things in life and it is these that make our lives complete, whole and worth living.

We read of how King Solomon asked for wisdom instead of riches, what would we have asked for if we were him? ( cf 1 Kgs 3:5-14) Solomon knew that he needed wisdom to govern his people, and because he asked what was pleasing to God, God gave him even more than what he asked for. This is what it by the verse “seek ye first”. If we constantly seek what is pleasing to God, he, in return, will give us much more than we can ever want or imagine. Money and wealth is important but the one thing I have personally learnt throughout my life is that it does not necessarily bring happiness. Money certainly can’t buy us love. And if God were to really ask us of what we want from him, how many of us will actually ask of what we need?

At the end of 1992, local singer/song writer Eric Moo wrote a song titled “hong chen lai qu yi chan meng” (loosely translated – the riches of the world comes and goes like a dream) which tells of the emptiness of the material world. It says that the material the coming and passing of the material world is just a dream and empty. If someone who is not a Christian can write something so profound, then so much more we should be able to see through the illusion of material wealth.

To conclude I’d like to draw upon the words of St Paul to Timothy

“Religion, of course, does bring large profits, but only to those who are content with what they have. We brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it, but as long as we have food and clothing, we shall be content with that.

People who long to be rich are a prey to trial; they get trapped into all sorts of foolish and harmful ambitions which plunge people into ruin and destruction. The love of money is the root of all evils and there are some, who, pursuing it, have wandered away from the faith and so given their souls any number of fatal wounds. (cf 1Tim 6:10-12)

Love and Action Through Prayer

What is prayer? How do we define it? If we look at the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, one of it’s definitions for prayer is a solemn request to God or any symbol of worship. That, in itself is very broad. How do you communicate a request to God? Verbally? Written? There are so many ways to pray.

Silence can be a form of prayer when there is communication with both man and God. Even though both parties do not talk, there is a profound form of communication that takes place. We always look at prayer as a form of verbal or written communication. That is only two forms of prayer.

When we go for Mass, we pray. When we sing praises to God during our Praise and Worship, our prayer is two times more powerful, as Saint Augustine would put it. He says that when we sing, we pray twice and the angels of heaven would stop their singing and praising so that they can hear us sing.

When we are in communion with one another, that is also a form of prayer. Thus, as long as the act that we carry out gives praise and glory to God, it is prayer. But how does prayer lead us to love?

When we pray, we normally pray for others, we seldom just pray for ourselves. When we want to love someone, we normally want to give them what we want best for them. Hence we pray for our loved ones. That is how we express our love for one another. Even Jesus, God and yet human, endured so much suffering for the sake of his beloved people, still prays for people who rejected him.

It is very difficult to love; there is no doubt about that. How the world sees love is different from how Christians see love. Our love is the love of Christ, not the lustful love the world knows and teaches.

In the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, love is mentioned as “a mutual communication between the two persons. That is, the one who loves gives and communicates to the beloved what he or she has, or a part of what one has or can have; and the beloved in return does the same to the lover. Thus if the one has knowledge, one gives it to the other who does not; and similarly in regard to honours or riches. Each shares with the other” (Ex 231)

We can see from the quote above that love is not only a thought but also action. It is further mentioned that “love ought to manifest itself more by deeds than words” (Ex 230). This further emphasises that love is most effective conveyed through action. But love can be very demanding. It demands our whole being to be able to love unconditionally and without reservation and the cost. Christ taught us that the greatest commandment is to love one another as He has loved us. Again, we can see that it is the act of love that He is emphasising on, not mere words. Anybody can talk about love, but how many are actually doing it? Love without action is empty.

How do we show our love? If you ask someone who is very worldly, he’ll probably tell you to have sex; such is how love is perceived in the world today. The form of love that we should show is totally different from what the world teaches. In the Bible, it is stated that the greatest love that a man can show for his fellow man is to die for him. And Jesus did just that, He died for us all so that our sins may be forgiven. He ransomed His live for many, and that is the kind of love we are called to show.

Serving one another is one of the simplest ways to show our love. It does not even have to be big things. Giving a hug, giving a smile, a simple hello or how are you….simple things that do not cost anything at all. Sending occasional emails and sms during special occasion, cheering a friend up. The choices are limitless. The only thing is whether we care enough to do it or not. And love definitely requires strength and perseverance to do it. Even Jesus had to pray everyday to His Father for grace and strength. If Jesus, who is God needs to pray, how much more we, weak as we are, needs to pray.

Without prayer, we are nothing. Our love would be empty expressions of what we perceive as Christ’s love. Without prayer, our action would just be that of any paid social worker in the welfare department. Thus, if we want to love, we need to pray. Pray for grace to love unconditionally, no matter who we come across, even if we hate that person, if we pray for the grace and strength to love like Jesus did, God will grant us that grace. For where love is, God is. We must not be afraid to love or be ashamed to show our love for one another.

When we have the grace and strength to love, we can then share it with others through our action. A very good example would be Blessed Theresa of Calcutta. Before she answered her call within a call, she was afraid and unsure of her second calling. And she prayed, she prayed for grace and strength and conviction to answer her call. Throughout her years serving the poorest of the poor, she never ceased to pray. Many people who have died in her arms said that they have never experienced so much love in their life.

There are many other countless examples, some of it includes St. Francis of Assisi, St Clare and many others. All of them shared their love by doing something, not just talking but acting it out with the grace obtained from prayer. So it is with us, if we want to love and show it through our action, we must pray.

Another example would be this: if we see a friend in sickness and we want to show our love for him, what would we do? Do we say “I’ll pray for you”? Will that show our love for him? Of course not, anybody can say “I’ll pray for you” We show our love by being there with him, taking care of him, helping him eat and so forth. It is our action which will show our love for him, not words. Anybody can talk.

So prayer is very important. Without prayer, we will not have the courage, grace and strength to love. And without love, we cannot serve one another genuinely through our action. You can always give without loving, but you can never love without giving.