Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Reflections in the Mirror

Have you ever had the experience of looking at yourself in the mirror and not liking what you see? It’s like, you look at your reflection in the mirror and you do not like your own reflection. Personally, I have gone through this experience before. A few years ago while I was brushing my teeth and looked into the mirror. What I saw was a reflection of me but with a frown on my face. And I did not like it at all. Even when I’m having my hair cut, I really do not like what I see in the mirror either. And that made me wonder why I dislike my reflection so much.

Mirrors are reflections of our physical self. In Disney’s Mulan, there is a song which I particularly like called Reflection. Part of the lyrics goes like this

“Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide who I am though I've tried
When will my reflection show who I am inside?”

I think that the lyrics really reflect what we see in ourselves. We look into the mirror and we often see someone we do not know. And we will always wonder when will we see the true us reflected in the mirror. At least I do. A Jesuit friend of mine once told me that what is manifested physically is the manifestation of our internal self. I think that the statement has some truth in it.

I believe that there are many out there who do not like what they see in the mirror. If everyone was happy, we wouldn’t have plastic surgeons and the likes. But precisely because we are not happy with what we see that we put on heavy make ups, fake eye lashes, reconstruct our faces etc. Are we saying that God did a bad job with us when he created us?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against cosmetics or plastic surgery, Cosmetics add flavour to ones outlook but we should go overboard and make as if like we just dipped our entire face into a sack of flour.

The normal mirror reflects what we can see physically. But what if we had a mirror which could reflect our internal self? Would we like what we see? Would it be worse than we can see physically? And if it is worse, will we try to give it a complete makeover? Or will we reject it and replace it with something which is false?

Gerard W. Hughes, SJ, in his book, God of Surprises, says this “If we could really see into the depths of ourselves and into our subconscious and unconscious minds, we would recognise in ourselves all the characteristics of the (Gerasene) demoniac, and this would terrify us, but we would also see all other qualities which would delight us…Because we are afraid of looking at the evil possibilities in us, we fail also to too see our true greatness. Refusing to look at our inner lives, we ignore our true selves, renouncing our individuality, our personality..”

There are many people in this world who would go all the way to mask their own feelings and try to be whom they are not. But try as we may, we can never run away from ourselves. Sooner or later, our inner selves will be full of conflicts and chaos and confusion and ultimately destruction. Am I exaggerating? That question can only be answered by each and every one of us, for only we know what transpires in our inner thoughts and feelings.

Perhaps we fear that if we really share what is deep inside us, we will face rejection by others. But feelings are just feelings; they are neither right nor wrong. So why should we fear rejection? Or perhaps we fear that what is evil and chaotic in us will overpower us and take over our lives and we will have no control over it. Certainly there is the danger of our inner conflicts and chaos running amok.

So how do we prevent or inner conflicts and emotions from running wild? The answer, simple as it may seem, is in reality difficult to do. Lay our feelings bare before Jesus. Give him all our insecurities, our conflicts and let him take over. Let him make sense of it and allow his light to shine into the darkest parts of our inner being. Sounds simple but it is really very difficult to do. At one point or another, we want to be in the driver’s seat, to be in control, we allow God to come in but on our own terms. But that will not help us. Surrendering ourselves fully is step towards recognising that we cannot be in control and that only God can heal our inner selves.

And in then end, the illuminating light of God will be like the light at the end of a tunnel, giving us a way out of our darkness and leading us into the light of God’s love and a life that is truly full and alive. So look into the mirror of our souls and examine ourselves closely. Let the light of God shine into our inner beings and it will light up what is dark and turn it into light.