Forgiveness and Unforgiveness

There were once 2 men named Jim and Pat. Now, Jim and Pat has been enemies for many years and both have refused to forgive the other as both thought that the other party was wrong and they were right.

One day, Jim fell ill and was admitted into the hospital. The doctor told him that it would be good for him to settle whatever grievances that he had in case he didn’t make it. And so Jim called Pat to his bedside and said to him, “Pat, we have been enemies for all these years and we never reconcile with one another. The doctor told me that I should settle all my grievances and so I say let bygones be bygones. I forgive you and ask for your forgiveness as well”

And Pat, in the same spirit said, “Yes let bygones be bygones. Life is too short to be unforgiving” And they talked a bit more and when the time came for Pat to leave, Jim said, “Remember Pat, this counts only if I die!”

The story illustrates to us that on many occasions, when people say that they forgive a person, very often they are just paying a lip service to the word. Deep inside, the unforgiveness still festers. Everyday in our lives, we encounter situations where friction will occur and some form of reconciliation is necessary in order to move on. But many a times, we choose not to be reconciled and this causes us to be hampered down.

There are some people who just want to hold on to the grudge they feel towards another person. And to make it worse, they feed and live on that grudge, letting it grow and fester as the years go by. Our hatred and anger at that one person is like throwing firewood into a fire, causing it to grow and burn even more fiery. And before we know it, the fire will just consume us and burn us to death.

Unforgivess is like having a wound on us and we refuse to treat it in hope that it’ll heal or go away. But we know that wounds do not heal on its own. Even if it does, it takes a long time before it heals and even then, it may not heal completely and our bodily health would have been affected by the wound.

Have you ever had the feeling that you are over burdened, weighed down with a heavy load, or living day to day with a heavy heart? Unforgiveness is like that. It’s like a stone tied round our ankle and we’re just dragging it everywhere we go. Forgiveness is to throw away the stone and be free of the burden that we are carrying.

In his book “Travelling light” by, author Max Lucado speaks of the importance of letting go of our burdens and travelling light. This means to let go of all our unforgiveness, all that is negative in us and be free. Travelling light means to be free, to be liberated of what is harmful to us.

Jesus himself is an excellent example of the act of forgiveness. He teaches us to forgive our brothers not 7, but 70 times 7 times. Of course, this does not mean that we start counting and stop forgiving when we have satisfied that number. What he meant was we need to forgive continually and not stop because we feel that we have forgiven enough.

Forgiveness does not mean just saying “I forgive you” and be done with it. Forgiveness involves more than lip service. We need to mean it in our hearts as well, to genuinely mean what we say. There are people who says “I forgive you” but will continually bring up the person’s faults and wrongdoing. This is not forgiveness. If we still choose to hold on to the grudge that we have against another person, then forgiveness is just a lip service.

When Jesus forgave the woman caught in adultery, he did not accuse her of anything or bring up a litany of her sins. We all know what he said to the crowd, “Let those who did not sin cast the first stone.” And no one dared to cast a stone and they all left. And Jesus, with infinite love and compassion, forgave that woman and told her to go in peace. Are we able to do this, to truly understand that no one of us has not sinned and therefore refused to forgive another? Can anyone of us truly say that we are righteous and others are not?

The ultimate act of forgiveness was by Jesus himself. He forgave his executors, saying that they did not know what they do. He also forgave the thief who was hung with him. This total act of forgives is an act that we can learn from. Of course, we will not be able to forgive like Jesus did as we are just human. But we can do our best to forgive. All we need is God’s grace and spirit to enable us to forgive from our hearts and not just from our lips.

All of us are familiar with the Lord’s prayer, the Our Father. One of the lines is “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us” Jesus tells us in order to be forgiven, we need to forgive others as well. And I think we also need to forgive ourselves.

So let us, all of us, start by choosing to live a life free of unforgiveness. Let us be able to truly recite the Our Father with our hearts and not with our lips.

5 Loaves and 2 Fishes

I often think about that boy

when I'm feeling small
and I worry that the work I do
means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry
is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my face
I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

Corrinne May – 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes

When my friend, Jane, introduced me to the songs of Corrinne May some weeks ago, I was particularly attracted to the song entitled “5 Loaves and 2 Fishes” (Verse 2 of the song above). The second verse of the song really struck me.

Many years ago, while still in active ministry, I had always wanted to do big things… things which would make me stand out, to be someone, to be recognised. I’m quite sure that many of us go through that stage of life as well. As Fr Larry Tan SJ said in one of his homilies, “We fear to become someone unknown.” At that time, I really feared that I would fade into obscurity.

Many years has passed. I’m (I hope) much wiser but I realised that I still had that notion of doing something great and big. I complained when I was asked to do little things. In other words, I felt under utilised.

But I forget that it is Christ who magnifies what we do for him. Just like the story of “5 Loaves and 2 Fishes”. All Jesus had was 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes and yet, he managed to feed 5 thousand people and had left over too (sounds like all those dinners that I go to in church hahaha)

If Christ can use that little amount of food to feed so many people, how much more can he use our gifts and talents (however small) for his greater glory and for the benefit of others.

I remember this one story where the late Pope John Paul II was meeting 3 priests. The first one said, “I’m Fr so and so and I’m a professor teaching in a university” and Pope John Paul simply said “Nice to meet you” The second priest also did the same and the same thing happened. The third priest, with a soft voice, said “I’m Fr so and so, I’m just a simple parish priest in a small parish” And guess what happened? Pope John Paul II, so the story goes, knelt down in front of the priest and kissed his hand, saying “It is you who are doing the work of the church”

And so, every now and then, I would remind myself that “no gift is too small” in the service of Christ. Whatever I do, whether big or small I must remember that Christ can use it and transform it into something more beautiful than I can ever imagine. And “all he needs is my Amen”

So take my five loaves and two fishes,

Do with it as you will,

I surrender.

Take my fears, my inhibitions,

all my burdens, my ambitions.

You can use it all.

No gift is too small.

And this is my prayer. To give to the Lord my gifts and talents and let him use it as he will. Because ultimately, it is for his greater glory that we strive for, not our own.

Here and there...

When I first got news that my dad has colon cancer, I was shocked. My mind went numb. It's like "How can this be?" And so sms were flying between me and Angie, my second sis on the situation. And since the operation was due to take place on Monday, I decided to take extra leave on Monday.

Yesterday while on the way to church, fear filled my heart, not knowing what to do or how to deal with this kind of situation. Although I have done pastoral care in a cancer hospital before, those people whom I met were strangers. This is my dad! Sigh... I couldn't really think straight ( I can hear my friends saying "Since when you ever think?")

So I decided to just pray for strength and for God's blessing on my dad as I did not know what exactly was the situation. After Mass, I went for dinner then home, wanting to sleep early because I had to get up early the next day. The following I was to follow a dear friend down to Melaka. I would go home and talk to my parents and offer whatever support I could.

The worse thing was I couldn't sleep. My eyes were wide open. Maybe it the tea that I drank :) or maybe it was the pain in my ribs. I don't know but I slept past 1am and got up around 6am. I was half asleep when I drove to SFX P to meet my friend. Lucky the roads were still clear.

And so, we made the journey down. When I got hme, I saw my dad outside the house. He looked so thin and his voice was so soft that I felt pain in my heart. I talked to him there and then and got more information on the situation. He also told me that he is to go to the hospital later. (the hospital is just opposite my house, well.. not excatly but close)

At 11.30am, me, my mum and my dad went to the hospital to arrange for admittance on Sunday for surgey and also to see the specialist. We waited quite awhile for the biopsy report. My legs were really stiff by then (really like cardboard) so I had to get up and walk around.

Finally we got to see the doctor and got the diagnosis from him and what's going to take place the next few days. That was the toughest part. Receiving the diagnosis, like having something blowing up in the face. I think my dad was in a shock and my mum shed tears. I can sense how they feel so I tried my best to comfort them.

Now we can only pray and hope for the best. The doctor is confident and optimistic though and I think that's a good sign. So we are kkeping our fingers crossed and most importantly, putting our trust in God.

That's all we can do. Pray.