“There are times when encouragement means such a lot. And a word is enough to convey it. There were others who could have as easy as not, but just the same they chose not to say it”
- Grace Stricker Dawson
One of the most valuable lessons that I learned from the recent World Youth Day was during the breakout session of the Ignatian Gathering that was held after the conclusion of the MAGiS experiments.
During that session, we met as an experiment group and one of the exercises was to affirm one another. We split into groups of four and we each had to affirm every member in that small group. The nun who was our facilitator pointed out that all of us should accept the affirmation and not deny it. So we did the exercise and all of us were affirmed by one another. It was really amazing as we only spent one week with one another and the things we saw in each other was like as if we have known each other for years.
Why do I share this experience? Most, if not most of us, go through life not realising the potential or the power of affirming those around us. And like most people, we would say things like “No, no I’m not like that” or “I think you’re mistaken as I don’t feel I’m that kind of person” etc. What we don’t realise is that statements like these will ultimately have a negative effect on our self esteem and confidence.
This has also happened to me in the past and my self esteem and self worth really took a plunge. Even during the exercise that I went through during MAGiS, I felt like saying “No, no that’s not me you’re talking about”. But I did not say it. Instead, I said thank you and accepted the affirmation. It was difficult to accept the affirmation even though I yearned for it. And I believe this happens to many people. We are simply unable to accept compliments or praise, especially when it comes to things about ourselves.
After the exercise, I felt good and humbled as well. Not just because of the affirmation that I received but also because I received them from people whom I hardly know. After all, we only spent one week together and we were all strangers to begin with. It was then that I also realised that affirmation often comes from people whom we don’t really know. Very often, people who are close to us or those whom we consider friends are the ones who do not affirm us. And vice versa.
Affirmation, therefore, is very important. It can help bring a person to the self realisation that he/she is special and appreciated. Affirmation helps a person to climb out of the pit of low self esteem and soar high above in the skies.
I’m quite sure that most of us have seen the movie “Ratatouille” before. In this movie, we can see two scenes which show the lack of affirmation and the positive impact of affirmation. The first occurs at the beginning of the movie where Remy the rat introduces himself. One of the lines was where he introduced his father and brother. And the line that introduced his father goes “This is my father, he’s NEVER impressed”
Though this is an animation, not real life, we often do not take these lines seriously. But think about it. Remy the rat’s father is never impressed with his ability to tell the different spices apart. Translate that to real life and we will get the same kind of situation. How many of us actually give affirmation sincerely? We often find criticising people more “fun” than affirmation. We can deny this until we turn blue but the fact remains that we would rather make fun of people than to affirm them in a positive way.
I myself have experienced the detrimental effects of being made fun of. Rather than being affirmed, I was made the object of fun and laughter by the people whom I thought were my friends. Foolish as my actions would be, I vowed never to join that group again. I was so disappointed with their attitude. And I believe this is quite a common situation everywhere. Affirming a person does not cost us anything, all is takes is just one good word and the positive effect and outcome is priceless.
The second scene, the affirmation one, occurs about three quarter way into the movie. The scene is where Remy the rat is trapped into a cage in a car trunk. Then out of the blue, the ghost of Chef Gusto appeared and started to talk to him. Remy then says to the dead chef “I’m sick of pretending to be a rat for dad, I’m sick of pretending to be a human to Linguini and I’m sick of pretending to be a cook for you” The dead chef just laughs and said “Ah Remy, but you never have. You never have…” and disappears.
Upon listening to these words, Remy’s face lit up and realised that he never pretended to be a cook, he had always wanted to be one. This revelation brought about by the affirmation of the dead chef, brought him to that realisation. And those who have seen the movie would know that upon being set free by his father and brother, he ran to the restaurant and shouted “Because I’m a cook…” as a response to the question from his father.
From this example, we can see the contrast between the action of affirmation and the lack of it. We may think that affirmation is not important, that it does not matter because no one does it. In this modern day and age, the world at large finds itself lacking in love and warmth. By affirming one another, we will be able to bring back that love and warmth that has been drowned out by the demands of a materialistic society.
If we want to be affirmed, then we have to start by affirming others. The song “Man in the Mirror” written by Michael Jackson is a good example of self change. In the last line of the chorus, it says “If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change” If we ourselves don’t change, we cannot expect others to change.
Jesus was the Son of God, St Peter called him “Messiah, Son of the Living God”, and yet, during his trying times, God sent angels to minister to him and to strengthen him. This was when he was led into the desert and during his agony in the
George Cardinal Pell, in his homily for the opening Mass of the recent World Youth Day in
These words by Cardinal Pell re echo the words of
As Christ said in the Gospels, “Whatever you do unto your brother, you did them to me” If we choose not to affirm one another then we have chosen to deliberately hurt Christ. If we truly believe that we are disciples of Christ, then we should choose to follow the way of Christ, to be kind to others, to strengthen them and not to belittle them. If we choose not to affirm, then we cannot expect to receive any affirmation, for it says in Luke 6:31 “Treat others as you would like people to treat you.”
To conclude, I would again draw from the words of
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